


Shake it like a Polaroid picture

by julianafterdark



Category: Dalton Academy Series
Genre: Aftercare, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Barebacking, Bathing/Washing, Come Swallowing, Comfort/Angst, Consensual Kink, Consensual Sex, Crying During Sex, Depression, Derek Isn't Straight, Drinking, Drinking & Talking, Drunken Shenanigans, Drunkenness, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feeding, First Kiss, Friends With Benefits, Handcuffs, Jogan mentions, Julian Larson and his Five Boyfriends, Light BDSM, M/M, Masturbation, Mirror Sex, Morning Sex, Morning Wood, Nightmares, Not Suitable/Safe For Work, Oral Sex, Paddling, Polyamory, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rough Sex, Safewords, Self-Fisting, Sex Addiction, Sharing a Bed, Spanking, Threesome - M/M/M, Urination, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:07:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23508868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/julianafterdark/pseuds/julianafterdark
Summary: Julian set out for Hollywood with a two-part mission: 1. have as much sex as possible and 2. forget Logan Wright. Haven helps him out. But is it enough?Inspired by daintylemonsquare's Orgyverse but there's Derian and Jogan, too.
Relationships: Julian Larson-Armstrong/Clark Sawyer, Julian Larson-Armstrong/Derek Seigerson, Julian Larson-Armstrong/John Logan Wright III, Julian Larson-Armstrong/Other(s)
Kudos: 1





	1. Julian & Sinny & Clark

“Not now Julian.” That’s what Logan had said before shutting the door in his face. The same friend, mind you, who Julian has been trying to drop not so subtle flirty hints to all week. He even gave him a foot massage, for God sakes, but with no luck. After coming out in The Advocate two years ago and appearing on seemingly every cover of every entertainment newsmagazine in the world, Julian thought that Logan might finally shift his behavior toward him from a dutiful brother-like friend to something a little more than friendly, sexual even. But that simply had not been the case. If anything, the young man was now flat out ignoring him and it was like all the progress they made post-Hell night disaster vanished. So, with a pang in his heart, Julian set out for Hollywood with a two-part mission: 1. have as much sex as possible and 2. forget Logan Wright.

That’s how he ends up in a club backroom in front of Clark Sawyer, begging him to fuck him.

“I’m saying please,” Julian pouts. He’s six shots into the night and tipsy.

“No,” Clark replies. “You know you’re too young for me.”

“Cut the bullshit. This isn’t Something Damage Season 6 Episode 3. You can’t cry jail bate. I’m legal. Like, drinking age, legal,” Julian sing songs. “Which you should know since you were invited to my birthday party,” he pouts.

“Yes, Haven was in Tokyo, regrettably, but I sent you a card. And a really expensive vintage leather jacket from Harajuku. Did you get it?”

Julian’s impatient. “Come on, just take off your pants and fuck me already.”

“It’s not going to happen tonight Larson,” Clark pushes Julian away to keep him at an arms reach though he doesn’t sound too convincing. “We’re coworkers. We do scenes together.”

“So? You screw your bandmates.” It comes off sounding more like an accusation than Julian intended.

“Shh not so loud. Fuck. And you know that’s different.”

“How?,” Julian hisses “You’re coworkers with them. You perform on stage every night with them. You travel the world with them. Tell me how it’s different? You can’t, can you? Because it isn’t and you know it!” Julian kisses Clark boldly on the lips.

Clark kisses him back for a moment, hard, before coming back to himself. “Julian this isn’t a good idea,” he starts again. Then he adds, sheepishly, “I don’t know if you can handle me. I’m serious.”

“Oh for fucks sake, Clark. You’re big. I know. Everyone knows. Get over yourself. I can handle it.” Julian palms Clark’s cock underneath his jeans. The persistent mother fucker.

“I said not tonight,” Clark repeats with a shove. “I’m not going to fuck you just because Logan Wright won’t and you’re horny.” He meant it more lightly than it came out.

That finally gets Julian to stop and he retreats back to the dance floor in a huff. But not before returning back to the bar and downing three more shots of vodka, “keep them coming.” He then throws his arms around Clark’s bandmate Sinclair, pulls him in close, and starts kissing his neck.

“Whoah there,” Sinclair says, laughing. Julian continues, initiating a hot and heavy make out session. Then at last Sinny pulls them apart. “Not that I’m complaining, bud, but how much have you had?”

Julian stomps his foot like a child. “No, don’t you start, too.What is this, reject Julian Larson day? First Logan, then…him,” he points dramatically to Clark who has now reappeared on the dance floor beside them, “and now you, too? Does nobody want my ass anymore?”

Sinny gives a chuckle and mocking frown, patting Julian’s ass.“Clark, you turned down this ass? Really?” Sinclair wraps Julian in a playful hug from behind. Julian still looks genuinely upset.

Clark concedes, “You’ve got a great ass, Jules. You do. And I’m sorry for bringing up the L word, I know you hate that.” Julian frowns harder, looking away. Then Clark reaches out and positions Julian’s face to look back at him, leaning in close. “I just can’t fuck you when you’re like this. You’ve had too much to drink.”

Sinclair coos low in Julian’s ear, sweetly, “you hear that? He’s not saying never. He’s just saying you have to get sober first.” 

“Yeah, right. Like that’ll ever happen. He thinks he’s too big for me.” Julian glares back at Clark.

Sinclair chuckles again. “Is that right? Look, surely we can find a compromise boys?” 

Julian raises his eyebrows. 

“You know Clark and I have sex together sometimes right?”

“Yeah, I know.”

“How about I fuck you and we’ll have him watch. And I’ll find him other things to do with you so I can watch, too. How does that sound?” 

“Okay. I’m fine with that.”

“Good boy. Clark?” Sinclair pouts at his bandmate.

“Yeah, okay. But tomorrow. When he’s sober.”

“Fine. I’m still sleeping in your bed tonight though, Clark.”

“Fine.”

“Naked,” Julian smirks.

“Whatever, Larson.”

So that night they go to Clark’s ridiculously large and pricey downtown loft. The place has been dubbed “The Haven House” because it has a built in recording studio and five bedrooms that often host his bandmates. But right now it’s just Clark, Sinny, and of course Julian and they’re only occupying one bedroom. When they all wake up entangled in Clark’s bed, Julian’s naked as promised. Clark and Sinny peel away and start discussing a game plan with each other in the bathroom. 

Sinny returns, sitting down on the bed and looking at Julian earnestly. 

“Hey, kid. You sure you still want do this?”

“Yes.” 

“Because it’s okay, you know, if you want me to leave and just want to mess around with him. Or if you want both of us to leave and you just want to mess around with yourself. It’s all good, you know that right?”

“I want you both.” Julian sounds steady and sober.

“In that case,” Sinny continues, “what’s your safe word?”

“Adam,” Julian quips with a sarcastic grin.

“Come on, Jules. I’m serious. Something I can trust you to actually say during sex if it gets too much.”

“It won’t.”

“It might.”

“Fine,” Julian concedes. “I don’t know, can we just do the color system? Red light, green light?”

“Have you used that before?”

“Yes, many times.” Julian’s growing impatient.

“Okay, good. We’ll use that then. So here’s what’s going to happen. Clark’s going to let you give him a blow job while I put you on my lap and let you ride me, okay?” 

“So, he’ll fuck my mouth while you fuck my ass?”

Sinclair laughed. “That would be another way to put it. So? Color?”

“Green.”

“Good boy. Obviously I’ll wear a condom but, I am clean, just so you know. Have you gotten tested recently?”

“Yes, I uh, kinda got Chlamydia after I went overboard with sex last summer but I’m all clean now.”

Sinclair tries not show judgement because he can tell Julian is insecure about this by the way his voice quivers slightly. 

“It’s okay.” Sinclair kiss him. “Just one more thing, J. And then we’re done with the talking. Clark likes to take pictures while he fucks. Just a few frames. He’ll set up a camera, usually on timer.”

Julian furrows his brows. He knows with the internet the way it is these days, any pictures taken on a smart phone he might as well upload to his 5.2 million followers himself. 

Sinclair must see his hesitation because he adds, softly, “Don’t worry, it’s a Polaroid. Just for us, okay?”

Julian nods.

“Use your words, J.”

“Green.” Julian slides off the bed, revealing his full naked form to Sinclair at last. “Like what you see?”

“Yeah, I can work with that.” Sinny smiles. 

“Good. I’m going to take a leak and get prepped.”

“Do you need help?”

“I got it.” Julian rolls his eyes exits the room. When he comes back, it’s with Clark, condoms, lube, and a camera.

Julian hops on the bed, his naked body flopping against the covers. He giggles jubilantly.

“All fours,” Clark commands. Julian complies.

“I’m going to put my fingers inside you now,” Sinclair whispers and then he begins. He palms his other hand over Julian’s hips, massaging them gently. “Relax, J. I got you.” 

Julian looks up at Clark who is just standing there bedside, still in his boxers, looking nonchalant. Click. Clark snaps a picture of Julian looking up at him and places the polaroid aside to develop. Then it starts. Sinclair pushes his cock inside Julian and maneuvers them to sit upright. Julian squirms and Sinclair wraps his arms around him and starts rubbing his tummy, which makes Julian hard but stay more still. Meanwhile Clark is taking his time setting the camera on its timer, positioning it so it’ll eventually capture all three of them. Then, finally, he shoves down his boxers and exposes his cock, which is larger than anyone Julian has ever slept with, and starts moving toward Julian’s mouth. 

“Color?” Sinclair asks a final time. 

“Green,” Julian says in a way that’s meant to be controlled but sounds pleading.

Then Clark starts fucking Julian’s mouth and Sinny starts to bounce, thrusting the three of them into ecstasy. The camera snaps. 

Julian’s first to come. Sinny follows soon after, staying inside Julian until Clark asks “inside or on you?” in a desperate whimper. Julian replies “on,” and Clark ejaculates on his face. Clark takes one last close up picture of Julian before sitting in front of him on the bed and wiping away the cum. 

“I’ve made you dirty,” Clark says.

Julian, exhausted and blissed out, cuddles Clark close, who leans into the touch and finally relaxes into him for a minute and lets Julian kiss him soft and slow.

“You okay?” Clark whispers.

Julian spins around  and starts kissing Sinclair, finally laying down on top of them both in a heap. 

“Yeah I’m okay.”


	2. Julian & Haven (1 by 1)

Sinclair, Mikey, Raven, and Clark squeeze together, limbs inter-tangled.They’re all on Clark’s sofa in his living room, the whole band, except for Corey, who is digging through Clark’s credenza looking for a copy of one of their old records for a laugh. It’s been a while since they’ve all been together in one room. Even with recording sessions ramping up, they’re mostly still in the phase of working on songs one on one or two by two, sometimes three at a time. (The producers note Mikey, Raven, and Clark have a special kind of synergy in the recording studio that’s instrumental to getting a song complete.) But never five, it’s just too hectic. In that way, their professional lives mirror their sex lives. Two by two, sometimes three. Rarely four (because one feels left out) or five (hectic). But now they’re all together under one roof and it feels like anything could happen. They’ve missed each other very much.

“Found it!” Corey says, bent over into the credenza and holding up their first record up behind him. They all look so young on the cover, hair styled up with too much gel.

“Great,” Raven says grudgingly as Corey throws him the record. 

Then Corey says, “Oh shit, what do we have here?” and pulls out a stack of pornographic polaroids. He laughs as he flips through and tosses back picture after picture of Clark’s large penis on various sexual participants in many positions. Raven holds them up, showing them to the class on the couch. Clark sits up straight, trying not look embarrassed but his face is completely flushed. 

“Hey, that’s private,” Sinclair tries.

“It’s fine, not like you haven’t all seen it,” Clark says. “Most of those are with you guys.”

Then Corey gets to a picture that he right away recognizes as Julian Larson with cum on his face. He freezes. 

“Jesus Corey, have you seen a ghost?”

“No, I,” he stutters. “I-” 

“What did you see?” Raven gets up and snatches the pictures from him. “Oh, fuck.” He holds it up.

“Okay, yeah, that is kind of private actually,” Clark says a little too late. Everyone’s already seen another one of the polaroids, which clearly shows Clark and Sinny fucking Julian.

“Since when are you fucking Julian?” Mikey asks Clark, a little shyly and a little miffed. “And with Sinny?” 

“Aww Mikey, do you feel left out?” chimes in Raven, teasing. The polaroids from that night are now all spread out on the coffee table. Mikey shrugs and blushes.

“Kinda,” he says. Embarrassed.

“You’re one to talk, Raven, you’re hard as a rock,” Corey retorts.

“I’m only human,” he says. A pause. “So?”

“So what?” Clark asks. 

“Was it like a one time thing or are you and Jules got an on going thing now?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Because I know you've always been close and he looks really into you. Like, really into you.”

“Well take another look. If anything it was Sinny and Jules having sex and I was just there.”

“Your dick in his mouth is 'just there?’ That’s a good one.”

“It really wasn’t that big of a deal.”

“Clark’s being modest, Julian was begging him to fuck him and I just facilitated,” Sinclair corrects.

“Whatever. Look, I’m sure if any of you asked, he’d let you fuck him too. Is that what you wanted to know?” Clark snaps and gets up.

“Come on Clark, where are you going, we just got here. Don’t be sensitive,” Raven quips.

“Honestly, I’m really tired,” Clark says shooting an apologetic look. Then he adds, “anyone who wants to sleep in my bed come now. Just sleep though, I’m really t-”

“tired. You said,” Raven finishes his sentence with a pout. Mikey, predictably, gets up first to follow Clark.

“I should get going too,” Sinclair adds with a yawn. 

“I’ll stay and take care of Raven,” Corey says, palming at Raven’s boner.

“Good night,” Clark says and then he leans down and kisses Raven on the mouth, then Corey. Then Mikey and Sinclair lean down to do the same.

“Night.”

"Sweet dreams."

Clark drifts to sleep to the sound of Raven fucking Corey on his couch. Mikey snores on Clark’s chest while Sinclair reads a book next to them. Then, Ping. Sinny is the one to see the text light up on Clark’s screen. 

J: dt for an audition tomorrow. can swing by after. around 11?

Sinclair sighs and smirks, knowing the inevitable. 

Ping.

J: I want you.

...

All of Haven greets Julian Larson at the door with hugs and intimate cheek kisses when he arrives.

“Jules!” exclaims Corey. 

“Hey Julian,” Mikey says with a smile.

“The prodigal actor returns to Hollywood,” Raven quips. 

“You know they all want to fuck you,” Sinclair informs Julian moments.

“Oh do they now?” Julian glances at Clark and tries to read his poker face.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea. But, um, you can have them if you want to, it’s not like it’s breaking any rules,” Clark finally says.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t think I need your permission, Clark.” There’s a hint of irritation in Julian’s voice or maybe disappointment, like he was hoping Clark would tell him no and that he wanted him to himself.

“You don’t need my permission.”

Sinny adds, sensing the tension, “Julian, don’t feel pressure just because we’re all here. You really don’t have to. Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned it.” 

Julian looks out at the other men, eyes their attractive bodies up and down. “Honestly I’m kind of tired of the two of you patronizing me about who and how I fuck. Jesus. I came here to get laid not lectured.”

Clark folds his arms. “Do what you want, Larson.”

So Julian announces, loudly, “I’m going to go into this room, pull my pants down, and handcuff myself to the bed. So do what you want with that. All of you.”

They all stand there for a moment, dumbfounded, before finally Raven says, “fuck it” and heads in the door.

A few minutes into Raven fucking Julian hard and slow against the headboard, and Julian moaning loudly in response, Clark bursts into the room.

“What do you want, Sawyer?”

“J-,” he starts. “I want you, okay?”

“Look, once they’re done maybe you can get your turn. But for now, you can just watch.”

“Jules that’s not fair.”

Raven finishes and tosses his condom aside. 

“Raven, bring in Mikey,” Julian demands. “Clark, sit.”

Clark sighs dramatically. 

Julian smirks. “Patience is a virtue, Sawyer.”

Mikey enters the room, a bit sheepish looking sympathetically at Clark.

“Go ahead,” Clark says not unkindly.

Mikey kisses Julian sweetly and fucks him gently, peppering him with more kisses after. 

“You know, don’t tell the others, but I always thought you’re the prettiest,” Julian flirts. “The drummer is always the prettiest.”

Mikey blushes. “Do you want me to bring in Corey or Sinclair?”

“Corey. Make Sinny wait.” Julian’s enjoying this.

Corey’s like an excited puppy who jumps on Julian and starts by sucking him off quick and then fucking him harder and faster than the others. By this point Julian is tired and his face betrays him.

“J, babe,” Clark interjects, earnestly. “You know your safe word?”

“It’s red,” Julian huffs out. “And I’m not there yet.”

Corey stops and pulls out anyway. “You sure?” 

“Oh for god sakes don’t stop,” Julian yells, glaring at Clark. So they continue, and he orgasms before Corey who finishes on his own. Then Julian, now actually too tired to continue, says “okay, you can uncuff me now please” to which Corey does. And Julian sinks into the bed, exhausted. He pulls Corey into a cuddle. “I’m going to take a nap. Clark don’t move from that chair.”

When Julian wakes up he yells, “Sinclair, if you want to, now’s the time!” He’s got a second wind. 

Corey chuckles on his way out, telling Sinny “good luck.” 

“Thanks, I may need it.”

“I want to fuck you this time,” Julian tells Sinny with a smirk.

“Oh, do you now?”

Then from the corner in his chair, “J, do I really have to stay here for this?”

“Yeah Sawyer if you want me later, you do.” Clark huffs but stays put. 

“Okay we can do it that way if you like,” Sinclair says. “But go slow, it’s been awhile.”

“Yes sir.”

Julian starts fingering and then fucks Sinclair to orgasm, who flops down on the bed mouthing to Clark, “wow.” Clark looks like he’s about to lose his cool.

“Okay,” Julian says, kissing Sinny goodbye. There are now four filled condoms in the trash can. “Clark, it’s your turn. Come here.”

Clark flocks to Julian fast, kissing him vigorously. 

“So, you want to fuck me?”

Clark nods.

“You sure? Think I can handle it?” Julian teases.

Clark answers by rolling Julian over and pushing his cock into him, thrusting desperately. 

When they’re done, which is quickly, Clark rolls off. 

“Dammit Julian, I didn’t put on a condom.”

“It’s okay,” Julian says. And then, “it’s okay, right?”

“Yeah. It’s fine. Just, fuck.” Clark takes a towel and starts to clean Julian up.

“Leave it.”

“J, are you sure-“

“I said leave it, Clark. Please. But…can you hold me?” Julian flutters his eye lashes at him.

“Yeah, that I can do.”


	3. Julian & Corey & Mikey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julian has a difficult conversation with Logan, then has emotional sex with Corey and Mikey. Clark checks in with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying to upload new chapters on Sundays for the NSFW Big Bang prompt.

Even when you’re in a relationship with five guys, it’s hard to forget your first love. At least if you're Julian Larson. He finds himself, naked, fucked to satiety, and still thinking about Logan John Wright. Wondering, if he saw me right now, would he think I’m a slut? Would he get jealous? Would he feel anything at all? 

Of course, Julian knows emotions are complicated for Logan. He feels things heavily and he feels things strong, sometimes too strong, and sometimes he has to go on medications that make it hard to feel anything at all. And hard to have much of a sex drive, too. But Julian doesn’t take much of that into consideration, he just thinks Logan doesn’t like him very much or at least not the way he likes him. Besides, three years into college this is all getting a bit much, right? He shouldn’t be obsessing over Logan anymore. He thinks that maybe he d oesn’t want to play “What does Logan think of me?” another minute. He’d rather just know, one way or the other.

A few weeks into fucking Clark before breakfast, and Sinny after lunch, and Mikey during dinner, and Corey for dessert, and Raven as a midnight snack, and various combinations there of, Julian is finally alone. They’re all off at some meeting with their record label. And Julian decides to finally give Logan a call.

Logan, to Julian’s surprise, answers on the first ring.

“Jules, you okay?”

“Yeah I’m good I just-” Logan and Julian have known each other long enough to know when something’s off.

“What is it? Are the paps hounding you again?”

“No, everything is good here. Great. I just, kind of need your opinion on something.”

Logan frowns. “Is this a movie thing? Because you know how I feel about you jumping into another production right now. You should only do it if it’s a Coppola or—”

“Greta Gerwig I know.” 

“And not for Tarantino. He'd fetishize your feet.” 

“I appreciate your film opinions. But, no, this is more of a personal thing.”

Logan waits for his friend to continue.

“Okay. So you know last summer, when I kind of, overindulged?”

Logan knows what Julian’s referring too but wants to tread lightly. It’s not often Julian opens up. “Like with sex?”

“Yeah, well, I’m worried I might be doing that again.” Julian waits for Logan’s reply.

“Oh.” Logan blushes. “Well, I guess my first question is. Are you being reckless? How well do you know these guys? Girls? Is it like before or, different?”

Logan didn’t know much of the details of Julian’s lost summer last year, but he knew that it involved lots of one night stands. And how some of them were with unvetted strangers who could have taken him home and cut him up into little pieces. The thought makes Logan shiver. He hates that Julian had thrown all caution in the wind for what, hookups?

“Well, that’s the thing,” Julian starts carefully. “I’m not doing it with strangers.”

Logan bites his lip.

“Oh, well that’s…good. So, you met someone?”

“Yeah. I’m staying with Clark,” Julian explains.

“You’re with Clark.” Logan feels a ting in his chest he can’t quite identify. 

“Yeah, no, I wouldn’t say that.”

“What would you say then? Is it like, a friends with benefits type of thing?” Logan tries.

Julian hesitates. Then he looks to the side, and takes a deep breath in. Like he’s hiding something but doesn’t want to give himself away. Julian’s great with poker face but Logan’s gotten good with his tells. He know’s what it means when he hears that breath.

“Hey, you called me because you wanted to get something off your chest. Just tell me.”

Finally, Julian blurts it out. “It’s more like a band with benefits type of thing.”

It takes Logan just a beat to understand. He frowns. His fist clenches.

Julian suddenly feels the sinking feeling like he’s said too much. “Lo…”

Logan tries to remain even keeled but ultimately blurts out, “I’m flying over to get you.”

“Logan what the fuck.”

“No, I think you’re back in Hollywood too soon. That city, it’s not good for you.”

“You’re overreacting.”

“You asked me for my opinion, yes?” Logan sounded gruff. But was that jealousy in his voice, or repulsion? Julian wasn’t sure. And he wasn’t sure he was prepared to find out, after all. Maybe this whole phone call was a mistake. Still he pressed.

“Yeah but that doesn’t mean you need to take the next jet out of New York. Just tell me. Do you think fucking five guys—” Logan bites his lip again. “Is too many?”

“I don’t know, Jules. I don’t know. I don’t know if you’re falling into destructive behaviors again or if you know, you’re just having fun. But I'd be lying if I didn't say I'm worried about you.”

And there it was. The confession that Julian was trying to wring out of Logan finally came to surface. He wasn’t going to get, “I miss you” or “I want you” or “I love you.” But he could get, “I’m worried about you” which gives Julian a sick kind of satisfaction. Which he immediately feels guilty about. Since when had he become so manipulative? 

Logan recomposes himself. Puts on an air of coolness. “Look, does sleeping with them make you feel good or does it make you feel bad?”

“Good,” Julian confesses.

“And you’re being safe?”

“Yeah, they’re clean. And, yeah, using condoms for the most part.”

Now Logan’s the one taking a deep breath in. "Make sure they're not using you."

“They take excellent care of me.”

“Then maybe four’s not too many. If you’re happy. That’s what’s important.” Logan says this with a tone of finality.

"Five."

"What?"

"There's five guys in Haven. Clark, Sinclair, Corey, Mikey, and Raven."

"Okay."

“Well, thanks for listening."

“Sure. Is there anything else?”

“No.” Julian wants to add, “are you really okay with me moving on from you though?” but of course the question is left unsaid. 

“Bye Jules.”

And then Logan hangs up. He hangs up, and immediately pulls up a picture of Haven on his phone from their recent tour, sweaty and grimy in the backstage of a festival in Brazil. Then he starts masturbating. He imagines Julian being fucked by them. In the ass. In the mouth. The thought makes Logan squirm. With his left hand he pulls his hair, which he let grow out a bit lately, yanking it hard. He comes quickly into hand. “Fuck!” he yells to no one.

—

Corey and Mikey return home from the studio and pull Julian off the couch and into a threesome. At first they don’t notice anything off as they’re having sex with Julian. They start to expect something when he’s less vocal than usual, but don’t think much of it. 

Julian comes into Mikey's ass quietly, burying his face in Mikey’s shoulder as Corey thrusts into him. Julian keeps thrusting into Mikey, pushing him to come soon after. Mikey turns around and kisses Julian on the forehead, rubbing a thumb gently on his cheek. When Corey pulls out and re-positions Mikey to suck him off so he can finish in Mikey's mouth, Julian misses both of them. With a worried expression, Julian gets down on all fours beside Mikey. Then Julian takes Mikey’s fingers and inserts two of them up his tender asshole where Corey’s pre-cum is still spilling.

When Corey finishes, he replaces Mikey’s fingers and puts Julian on his lap. 

“Do you want to sit here for a minute?” Corey hums.

Julian nods. 

Mikey kisses Julian, letting him taste Corey’s cum. Then he spreads his legs around Julian and Cory so his cock rests gently on Julian’s lap. Mikey puts his forehead to Julian’s. 

“You’re so beautiful when you’re like this. Needy. So needy.”

“I want you,” Julian starts, breaking his silence.

“What do you want beautiful boy.”

“I want your cock. Both.

“Baby, you know I can’t get hard again that fast," Corey says.

Julian pouts. “Please,” he whispers. “I still feel empty.” He sounds sad, his ability to hide his emotions betraying him in this moment of intimacy. 

“J, I can’t. Look.” Mikey kneels up, his flaccid cock displayed.

Julian leans down to kiss it, desperate, and starts to gently suck. 

Mikey gives Corey a look. His cock is too sensitive for this. He steps back and Julian looks panicked again, gripping onto Corey’s thigh. Mikey sits back down and offers him his fingers to suck on instead, which he takes greedily, biting on them gently. Julian closes his eyes, embarrassed by how much he needs them. Then, unable to hold them back any longer, tears start to drip down Julian’s cheek.

“You’re okay,” Corey says, kissing Julian on the forehead. “We can stay here as long as you need.” Julian puts his hand around his own dick, and then Mikey’s left hand and Corey’s right hand join.

After five minutes, Julian slides his mouth to let go of Mikey.

“Are you ready?” Corey asks. Julian rocks forward, his asshole separating at last from Corey’s fingers, and bends forward into a yoga child’s pose. Corey kisses his asshole, then gently licks it. Mikey follows his lead and does the same. They know Julian likes it played with when it’s sensitive. He moans. Then Corey rolls Julian over, holding him down, and tickles him under the armpits until he lets out a laugh, releasing the tension at last.

“Hey, stop it,” Julian says playfully.

Corey obeys, still on top. “Sorry I had to you’re cute when you smile. Isn’t he cute, Mikey?”

“Very,” Mikey coos. As Corey and Mikey suck on Julian’s nipples and then his belly button and hip bones, his favorite spots, Julian drifts to sleep. They leave him there on the living room floor, covering him up with a soft alpaca blanket.

Raven is pulling an all nighter at the studio. Sinny and Clark had gone on a dinner date, just the two of them. They like to do that, sometimes, when they have the chance. It’s nice to take the time. But it does sometimes make them wonder what it would be like to be in a monogamous relationship.

Sometimes Clark suspects Sinny might want that with him, deep down. He always denies it but still. It sometimes makes them fight. Clark sometimes feels like he’s still playing match maker with Sinny and the other guys, trying to makes sure they’re getting along and having enough sex with one another. It’s important to Clark there’s lots of equality in the relationship, that there’s always an understanding that they’re all sharing. But it’s clear to everyone, and especially Clark, that Sinny clings to Clark the most. They don’t talk about it with the others though maybe they should. It’s complicated. Maybe that’s why he was hesitant to bring Julian in. And now that they have, full speed ahead, brought Julian in, he worries. He worries about Julian like he's worries about Sinny. He thinks he's hiding things. Especially when he receives a text from Mikey.

Mikey <3: J’s sad. Dk details. Maybe he’ll talk to u?”

Clark: Thanks for giving me a heads up. I'll be home soon.

\--

When Clark gets back to his house, Julian awakens in the living room, wrapping the blanket around his shoulders and giving Clark a glimpse of his cock. Corey and Mikey are now asleep in his bed. Sinny is out for a late night jog. 

“How’d your date go?” Julian asks Clark.

“Good. We had sex in the restaurant bathroom. How’d your night go?”

“Good. We had sex…here.”

Clark smiles. “Julian can I talk to you for a minute?”

Julian nods. He pulls on Mikey’s long t-shirt, which had been tossed beside him, and keeps nothing underneath. His ass peaks out at Clark who lets out a wistful sigh as he stands to sit on the couch.

Clark sits next to him, putting a hand on his thigh. “J. I just want you to know. You’re free to leave. I mean, you can always tell me, if you want out. For any reason, okay? You know that right?”

Julian frowns. “Do you want me to leave? Did Sinny ask me to leave?

“No Sinny likes you.” Clark pulls Julian in and kisses him gently. “I like you. I want you here I just want you to want to be here. I know it can be…a lot. Do you want to be here?”

“Did Mikey and Corey say something about me crying during sex. It won’t happen again. I’ll be good,” Julian promises.

“They just texted me and wanted me to make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m okay. It just happens sometimes.”

“Tell me about it?" Clark rubs Julian’s belly gently.

“I don’t know I just get overwhelmed. But I like being with you. I like to feel wanted back. For once.”

The confession hangs between them. 

“Julian. Can we talk about him?” Clark begins. Julian knows he means Logan.

“It’s not just him. It’s a lot of guys. On set, at school, in Paris. And girls. Lots of models don’t want me.”

Clark wasn’t having this. “J, when was the last time you spoke to Logan?”

Julian shrugs and yawns, motions toward the bedroom.

Clark grabs Julian’s wrist. “J,” he says sternly.

“I talked to him today. I told him about us. All of us. He said to do what makes me happy.” 

“Good. You should talk to your friends. You can have them over, you know, as much as you want.”

“Logan doesn’t sleep around. And Derek’s not gay.” Julian says defensively.

“That’s not what I meant,” Clark scolds. Hurt. “I just mean, I want you to feel free to do what you want. Keep your old social life up.”

“He’s in New York. You don’t even like him, I don’t know why you’re acting like I should invite him here on holiday!”

“Sometimes you mumble his name in your sleep.” 

“That’s because I saw him almost die in a burning building.”

“Julian I don’t want you using this relationship as an excuse to run away from the rest of your life.”

Julian sighs. Then he takes out his phone and texts Derek. Derek is up at Stanford getting in extra summer credits before training starts.

“Hey D, if you have a free weekend, Come to Malibu.”

Ping.

“See you Saturday.” 

Clark kisses Julian. “Can’t wait to get to know him.""


	4. Julian & Derek

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek's friendly visit to Julian turns sexual when a dick measuring contest at the diner brings up their touchy history.
> 
> TW: ED behavior implied.

Julian wakes up Saturday afternoon to Derek jumping on his bed. 

“Hey.”

“Jesus, when was the last time you washed your sheets? They’re completely soaked in cum.”

Julian, though he is completely naked, pulls his friend into a tight hug. “I’ve missed you.”

“I miss you too. You don’t call enough.”

“Been busy.”

“I can see that,” Derek smirked.

“I’ve been auditioning a lot.”

“For what? Pornos?” 

Julian frowns. He gets off the bed and pulls on a pair of loose-fitting light wash jeans, no underwear. They hang on his hips.

“You look skinny,” Derek observed. “You need to eat more.”

“Okay, mom.”

A beat. Derek looks up at his friend in earnest.

“When was the last time you talked to your mom?”

“What kind of question is that?”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know,” Julian repeats.

“Look, you haven’t called me all summer. I show up and find you living in a sex den. There are three rockstars fucking in the kitchen. What would you think if you were me?”

“Says the guy who lives in a frat house. Who probably fucks a different sorority girl every night.”

Derek puts his hand up, guilty. “No, you’re right. I’m not one to judge.”

“You’re really not,” Julian spats.

“It’s just Logan said—”

“I don’t know what Logan told you, but he told me to have fun!” 

“Are you having fun though? Because you look sad.”

Derek reaches and grabs Julian’s chin, rubbing his thumb on his cheek. Julian doesn’t say anything, averting eye contact.

Clark knocks gently and then opens the door.

“Hey, sorry about that,” Clark says, referring to his threesome with Raven and Mikey Derek witnessed.

“Don’t worry about it,” Derek says.

“You’re Derek, right? I’m Clark.” Clark offs his hand. Derek shakes it.

“I remember.”

“We’re thinking about going to that diner on Sunset for breakfast, want to come?”

Julian looks to his friend. 

“Yeah, I’m starving,” Derek says.

“Great!” Clark kisses Julian gently on the lips. “Put a shirt on then babe.”

Raven and Sinclair slide next to Clark at the diner, with Julian and Derek on the other side of the booth. Conservation moves quickly from polite conversation about Stanford and soccer to, in typical guy fashion, dick sizes.

“Trust me, D, Clark’s bigger than you,” Julian tells Derek patting him on the shoulder.

“So you’ve seen Derek’s then,” Raven interjected. “Tell us more.”

“They’re close in girth but, yeah, Clark’s got D beat in length,” Julian chuckles. 

“To be fair, Julian hasn’t seen mine fully hard though,” Derek adds.

Julian gives Derek a look, which the other guys all see. Julian’s about to say something but then stops himself.

“What? What is it?” Raven asks.

“No, nothing, it’s just,” then he turns to Derek. “I can’t tell if you’re pretending to forget or you actually forgot.” Julian sounds serious for what had otherwise been a playful conversation.

“Forget what?”

Derek processes Julian’s “are you kidding me?” look. 

“Oh, oh shit. Jules, sorry,” Derek blurts out. “Yeah he has seen it.”

Raven and Sinny look at each other awkwardly as Clark reaches across the table to touch an obviously upset Julian’s hand. 

The waiter comes with their food. Julian just stares at his, recoiling from Clark’s touch and crossing his arms. 

“So,” Raven says loudly. “Anyway, how about those Dodgers-” 

Julian slides out of the booth dramatically and heads toward the door. 

Derek starts to go after him.

Sinclair stops him. “I’ll talk to him,” Sinny says. 

Julian paces outside and takes out a lollipop to suck on, what he does when he really just wants a smoke.“I just, I knew he was a man whore but I didn’t think- I’m the only guy he’s been with. How can he-was I really that forgettable?” Julian asks.

Back inside, Derek speaks low as the buzz of the diner hums around them.

“We fooled around in the ski lodge last winter when we were snowed in during a blizzard.” 

“You really don’t have to explain.”

“We didn’t talk about it afterward. I honestly didn’t think it was that big of a deal.”

They raise their eyebrows, eating their pancakes awkwardly. 

“Fuck,” Derek said. He walked out to Julian. 

“Want me to stay?” Clark asks Julian. Julian shakes his head.

“J, will you just come in and eat? Please. I didn’t mean to ruin our meal. I’m sorry. We can talk about it later.”

“Talk about what?”

“What happened in the snow storm.”

“What happened?”

“You gave me a blow job. A good one.”

“Oh, so you admit it. You remember.”

“J, of course I admit it. I’m not ashamed about sex with guys. Not for a minute, okay?”

“Okay.”

“So you’ll come in and eat?”

Julian hesitantly nods and walks back to the table. 

“All better?” Raven asks. 

They change the conversation back to Haven’s new merch line and all seems to be okay. Julian even eats a good portion of the scrambled eggs, and all the boys are happy to see him have an appetite. 

But as Julian is chewing his last bite he realizes, Derek didn’t say that he wasn’t ashamed to have sex with a guy. He said guys. Plural. Julian spits out the scrambled eggs back onto his plate.

“Julian what the fuck,” Raven says.

“What? I’m not hungry anymore,” Julian says again. They leave it.

“So, we were planning on going hiking,” Sinny says.

“You guys go ahead. I’m tired,” Julian says. 

“I should be heading back to NorCal anyway. Before it gets too late,” Derek says.

“Derek, no, you should spend the night. You can use one of the guests bedrooms. Not a problem,” Clark interjects.

Julian doesn’t concur, but he doesn’t object either. 

“Okay, thanks, enjoy your hike, we’ll head back and settle in,” Derek tells them.

When they finally get back to the house, alone, Julian insists he’s fine.

“I’m fine,” he says.

“Julian, talk to me. What is wrong?” Derek takes his friend by the shoulders and makes him look at him in the eye.

“What did you mean by ‘sex with guys?’ Was that, was that like a regular thing for you?” Julian asked. He sounds more hurt than mad.

Derek hesitates. Then he says, “Look I haven’t lied to you. I still consider myself mostly straight. It’s not a romantic thing, it’s just sexual. You of all people know sexuality is fluid. And complicated.” 

“What about what we did?”

“That was…a friendship thing.”

Julian gives a sarcastic laugh.

“You have the nerve to judge me about my sex life,” Julian begins.

“I am not judging, I’m worried you’re using sex to numb yourself again- ”

“While you’re out here calling me deep throating you friendship?”

“Okay, clearly, we should have talked about this sooner.”

“You think?”

“Look, I’m sorry. I don’t regret it, but I’m sorry how it’s making you feel now because it clearly bothers you.”

Julian buries his face in his hands. 

“Jules, please don’t cry,” Derek says. “Please don’t cry. Hey.” He grabs his friend in a hug and gently kisses his neck. “I just wanted to come down and see you, not make you upset.”

“Just be honest with me. You fucked guys?”

“Yeah.”

“How many?”

“I don’t know, Jules, like ten? Twelve?”

“Oh. Did you…did any of them fuck you?”

“Why does it matter?”

“I don’t know. It just does. I don’t like you keeping things from me.”

“And I don’t like you keeping things from me.”

“Did they fuck you?” Julian repeats.

Derek nods.

“You took it up the ass?”

Derek nods again. Julian's crying again.

“Did you kiss them?” Julian chokes out, snot running from his nose.

“No. Just you.” And then Julian starts kissing Derek, roughly. Derek kisses back.

“I want you,” Julian says. “If they had you I want you.”

To which Derek says, “Use a condom.” Julian does, opening it with his teeth and having Derek put it on him. Then Julian pushes Derek on the bed and hoists his legs up to penetrate him missionary style first with his fingers and then his cock. After he’s finished he asks Derek to come on his face, which he does, then wipes the cum on the pillow. Derek watches him do this with his mouth open.

“What? Just adding it to the collection,” Julian says.

“I’m honored.”


	5. Julian & Derek & Clark (& Corey)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julian and Derek invite Clark to the bedroom along with Corey and the infamous Polaroid camera.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story continues. A little levity before more angst. 
> 
> TW: ED with Julian displaying more disordered eating in this one.

The evening that follows is a fun one. It starts with Julian getting out his whisky bottle from his underwear drawer and pouring a good amount of it into Derek’s and his mouth. 

“You don’t have to get me drunk, we already fucked,” Derek laughed.

“I know. But this is your reward.” Derek’s stomach growls between them.

“Does Clark have any food you can reward me with, too?”

Julian laughs and fetches some Chinese takeout boxes from the kitchen and a fork. 

Derek devours the lemon chicken and sweet and sour pork quickly, then, dips into the veggie fried rice and makes a motion to feed Julian. 

“Open up for me,” Derek asks. He’s not sure if he’s reading Julian’s expression right but he looks panicked. Derek frowns. “Come on, eat up and I’ll give you a reward.” 

There’s a pause. But much to his relief, Julian takes a dozen spoonfuls of Derek’s offerings. Then Julian grabs the fork from him and finishes the rice.

“Good?” Derek asks as he rubs Julian’s full belly in accomplishment.

Julian nods, squirming away from Derek’s touch. 

“You need to eat more,” he says gently.

“I know, I’m sorry,” Julian says. 

“It’s okay,” Derek says. Then he leans down to kiss Julian’s belly.

“Hey,” Julian interrupts. “I think I know what I want my reward to be.”

“Oh?”

—

“Clark I need you, come here!” Julian yells into the hallway when the guys return back from their hike.

“Okay, just a minute,” Clark replies.

Then, naked and hard, with a huge smile on face, Julian hops in the hallway. “Actually, can you bring Corey and your camera in here too. I want to try something.”

Corey and Clark look at each other. Corey shrugs. Raven, Sinclair, and Mikey raise their eyebrows to but respect their names weren’t called. Clark grabs Corey’s hand, who grabs his polaroid off the living room table, and then leads him to Julian’s bedroom. 

“Enjoy!” Raven calls to them.

“Oh they will,” Sinny quips. 

When they entered the bedroom, they’re surprised and not surprised to see Derek in the bed.

“Hey, I’m Corey,” Corey says.

“Derek.”

“So Clark, you said you wanted to get ‘get to know’ Derek right?” Julian asks pointedly. Clark stands there a bit dumbfounded.

“Yes or no?” Julian repeats.

“Yes, but I didn’t exactly mean sex.”

“Name a better way to get to know each other. And who’s better than Corey to document? You see I have this idea in my head,” Julian explains.

They all raise their eyebrows.

“I’m down,” Corey breaks the silence. Corey was the one with the most artistic eye in Haven and the biggest voyeur after Clark, often peaking in through half cracked doors to watch his friends have sex with each other.

Clark looks to Derek. “If you want to do this, I’m going to need ground rules.”

Julian smiles. “I swear, Clark has a kink for ground rules,” he laughs.

“I’m serious, J. Can you guys leave us for a minute?”

“Yes sir,” Julian says putting his hands up in resignation.Corey and he go back into the hallway, clicking the door shut.

“How much have you had to drink?” Clark asks first.

“I had some whisky,” Derek admits. “But I had dinner too. I’m fine.”

“So you think you’re sober enough to consent.”

“Yes,” Derek says impatiently. He does the roadside sobriety test, bringing his fingers to his nose.

“To what?”

“Look, Julian just gave me one of the best fucks of my life today. I’ll do whatever he says,” Derek says. His chest and cheeks are flushed. 

“You’re doing this to take care of him,” states Clark.

“I want to make him feel good.”

“Yeah I can see it get’s you off.” Clark eyes a bruise developing on his clavicle. He watches Derek’s toes curl in anticipation, poking out of from the infamous cum-stained comforter.

“You know what he’s like,” Derek replies. “I’ve done it with other guys before, if that helps.”

“Okay, but I’d take any no’s as no’s,” Clark adds, still testing the waters.

“Likewise,” Derek replies.

Clark sighs. He’s always had a fantasy about turning a “straight” jock. He swings open the door. Julian’s sexy pout is nearly impossible to stay no too. “Where do you want me?” he says.

“I want both dicks in front of me, at attention. And Cor I want pictures of me sucking them off and both their O faces. Do you think you can do that?”

“Yeah,” Corey says.

Derek and Clark whip their cocks out, Derek pushing the comforter off and Clark pushing his running shorts down around his ankles. They look down at each other, comparing size and shape. Julian was right, Clark is bigger but Derek is close to him in girth. Clark’s stomach flips as Derek starts jacking himself off to get hard.

“You can touch each other,” Julian says. “But no kissing on the mouth,” he commands. He still likes the idea of being Derek’s only guy in that respect.

They collide awkwardly on the bed, taking hold of each other’s cocks. Derek’s grip on Clark is gentler than he expected. “Fuck you’re big,” Derek says absentmindedly when Clark is fully hard.

“Thanks. Yours is beautiful,” Clark says. “Do girls tell you that? How pretty you are?” Clark whispers. 

Derek shakes his head.

“Well you are.” 

Derek laughs, haughtily. 

“What, does that embarrass you? Having your cock called pretty?”

“No,” Derek says.

“Say it. Say my cock is pretty.”

“My cock is pretty.” Derek becomes slick with pre-cum as he says it. Corey clicks a close up.

“Okay, boys, come here,” Julian commands, on his knees on the carpet. They listen.

He starts with Clark, taking his cock in until he’s gripping Julian’s shoulder in ecstasy.Click click.

Then, just when Clark’s about to come he pulls away and switches to Derek. Click click.  Then he alternates back and forth, keeping them both on the edge. Then he pulls back.Corey gets one shot from above with their cocks and Julian’s face looking upward. Julian will later hang it on the wall hidden behind a Georgia O’Keefe Flower in his New York loft. 

“Clark, I want you to come on my stomach,” Julian says, squatting so his belly button becomes a bullseye. “D, help him,” he demands.

“Wait, I have an idea,” Derek says. He grabs a bed sheet and places it around his waist. Then, without penetrating, he grinds against Clark’s ass. Corey points the camera at Clark’s face, Derek nibbling on his ear. “Fuck!” he cries when it happens. Click click.

“Derek don’t move,” Julian says. “I want to switch with Clark.”

Derek nods. Then he drops the sheet.

“Do you want a condom?”

“Yeah. Sorry,” Derek says.

“Don’t be sorry,” Julian says, gently kissing his friend and wrestling their tongues together as Clark grabs one from the drawer and rips it. Clark drops to his knees to slide it on. Julian turns around, positioning himself to be fucked, he braces himself on Clark’s shoulders. 

Derek starts to put his fingers in Julian’s asshole.

“No just do it,” Julian says.

Derek penetrates him and thrusts three times to come. Click click. 

“Stay inside me?” Julian asks. 

“I’m here,” Derek whispers and wraps his hands around him, reaching around to squeeze his friend’s nipples. Julian looks down to Clark expectantly. Clark leans forward to take Julian’s cock in his mouth, swallowing when he comes. Click click click.

Julian releases Derek’s cock when he moves down to kiss Clark to taste his own cum, then turns around to give Derek a taste too.

“Now taste each other,” Julian demands. To which Corey comes with a groan even though he hasn’t even touched himself. 

Derek giggles. He gets on the floor and leans Julian on his back, kissing him first on the forehead and making his way downward. He pauses on his neck to give him a hickey, then continues to his belly button, lapping up Clark’s cum with gusto.

Julian hands Clark the used condom. Derek watches, biting his lip as Clark squeezes out the cum into his mouth until it dribbles down his chin. Derek moves to Clark’s neck to lick it off him and give him a matching hickey. 

The polaroids from the evening are splayed over the floor, much like all four of them, who huff in exhaustion. Julian looks at them in approval.

“Thank you, they’re beautiful” Julian says as he rolls on top of Corey. He unbuttons his jeans and pushes them down so their flaccid cocks touch together as he kisses him deeply. He wipes his hands on Corey’s cum and licks them before holding them back toward Derek and Clark to do the same. 

Then Clark gets up and dresses. He pats Derek on the shoulder and motions to Corey to leave. Derek smiles and sits up, pulling Julian off Corey and into his lap.

“Good night,” Julian says as Corey and Clark kiss him on the forehead.

“Night, J.”

“Sweet dreams.”

When they’re alone Derek rubs Julian’s belly again, thumbing his belly button gently. Julian relaxes into his touch.


	6. Julian & Derek (Goodbye)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek tries to comfort Julian with sex after a nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: See tags. Rough sex and angst ahead.

When Julian starts thrashing in his sleep, Derek jolts awake. 

“Lo, don’t jump. Don’t leave me.” The words come out mumbled but Derek can just parse them out.

“Jules,” Derek says quietly. Then, louder, “Jules wake up! You’re dreaming.”

Julian snaps awake. Derek wraps him in a hug that a distraught Julian attempts to worm his way out of, instinctively. 

“You’re okay, we’re okay. It was just a dream,” Derek tells him. Hot tears run down Julian’s face. 

Then Julian wipes the tears away. He pulls Derek in for a kiss and straddles him, pinning him down on the bed. Julian puts his hand up Derek’s boxers. He’s still shaking with anxiety from the dream.

“Jules, hey, slow down. Talk to me.”

“I’m fine. I’ll be fine.”

Derek pushes Julian off. 

"Hey."

“I don’t want to when you’re upset.”

Julian takes offense. “Whatever, D,” he spats. Then he gets up and heads out the door.

“Where are you going?” Derek says as he grabs Julian’s wrist.

“If you don’t want to fuck, fine. I’ll wake up Raven.”

“It’s 4AM.”

“I need this. It’s the only thing that helps.”

“With the nightmares?”

“Please just let me go.”

Derek looks his friend up and down. His stomach churns at the thought of both how beautiful and how vulnerable he looks. Then he makes a decision.

“Stay, I’ll do it,” Derek tells him.

“No,” Julian replies, sounding cruel. “I need it rougher than you can give me anyway.” 

That hits a nerve. Derek grabs onto Julian’s wrist tighter.“I said, I’ll do it. Do you trust me?”

Julian exhales. He nods. Derek places his hand on Julian’s head and motions downward, dropping him to his knees. Julian peels down Derek’s boxers and takes his cock in his mouth, deep throating as Derek tugs at his friend’s hair. As soon as he’s hard, Derek steps back and joins Julian on the floor, roughly rolling Julian on his back and hoisting his legs up, pressing his thumbs into the arches of his feet. 

Derek takes his tongue to Julian’s asshole. Julian squirms. 

“Are you going to be good for me?” Derek says. He’s used this voice before with girls. They’ve also used it with him. Both got him going. 

“Yes, sir,” Julian whispers. Derek kisses Julian's forehead.

“Stay still or you’ll get spanked. Understand?” 

Julian nods. He tries to stay still but his legs spasm when Derek continues to eat him out. 

After the rule break, Derek immediately stops and flips Julian over onto his stomach. But when Julian arches his ass upwards to be punished, Derek hesitates. 

“Just do it,” Julian begs. 

Then Derek takes an open hand to his butt cheek. 

“Harder,” Julian says in response. His voice is steadier now.

Derek spanks him again, harder, as requested. 

“Harder!” Julian repeats. 

Instead of spanking him again, Derek chooses to start fucking him doggy style, wrapping his hands around Julian’s small torso as he enters him. 

Julian yelps.

“Shh it’s okay,” Derek says pushing further into him as he rides him. Julian’s arms give out. Derek sits him onto his lap. Then he presses down on Julian’s stomach, hard, as if to try and close the gap between Julian’s belly button and his cock as much as he can. Derek can feel Julian’s ribs beneath his wrists. He leaves a bruise on his skin with the pressure.

“Fuck,” Julian says with pleasure. Then, in a different tone, “Fuck, stop.” 

Derek immediately lets go, and gently presses Julian off of him. But Derek pressing so hard on Julian's bladder already caused a stream of urine to trickle out. Julian rushes to the bathroom, pee still going down his leg, mortified. Julian and Derek both clean themselves with wet washcloths in silence.

“Der, I am so sorry,” Julian says at last.

“Don’t worry about it. It was my fault.” 

“I’m really fucking sorry.”

“Jules it’s fine.”

“I’m such a fuck up.”

“No, you’re not.”

Derek looks at his friend, desperate to make him feel good again.“Do you want me back inside of you?” he asks, gently.

Julian nods. 

So Derek leans Julian over the bathroom vanity. He lifts his chin so both of them are staring at themselves in the mirror. When Derek re-enters him, it hits Julian’s prostate in a way that causes his face and chest to flush.

“See how beautiful you are? You look so good with a cock in your ass, babe.”

Julian comes into Derek’s hand. 

“Good boy,” Derek says, kissing his necks and putting his fingers in Julian’s mouth to lick. “I’m close, too. So your choice. Face, stomach, or-” 

“Can we move to the bed?”

Derek pulls out and follows Julian’s lead back onto the mattress. 

Julian curls on his side. In this position, Derek spoons him and slips his cock back in. Derek comes almost immediately.

“Der, don’t leave me,” Julian says quietly. “Stay inside.”

By this point exhausted, they drift off to sleep. 

Derek wakes up to Julian murmuring in his sleep again. 

“Lo,” he says. “Don’t leave me.” But this time it didn’t sound like a nightmare. Derek grinds against him gently until Julian purrs with pleasure. “Logan.”

Then Derek pulls out of his friend and hits the shower. He dresses and packs his things up. 

When Julian wakes up he rolls over and sees an empty bed. Then he sits up to see Derek with a duffle bag slung over his shoulder by the door. Julian frowns and furrows his brows.

“Morning,” Derek starts.

“So, you’re fucking off,” Julian observes.

“Listen, Jules, I had a really good time. But-”

“You’re leaving me for soccer.”

“Yeah, that and also," Derek pauses spitting out his next words quickly. "Idon’tthinkweshouldhavesexanymore.”

“Oh yeah? Well you can spare me the Derek Seigerson break up speech.”

“Jules, you’re my best friend. And I love you.”

“Whatever.” Julian looks upset. 

“Are we okay?”

“Are we okay?” Julian repeats sarcastically. He pauses. “Do you regret fucking?”

“I know when to say when. But I don't regret it, not for a minute.”

“Then we're okay,” Julian smiles tightly.

“Okay. Can you say it back then?”

“Say what?”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Derek stares at Julian. 

“You can leave now I’ll be fine.”

“Jules-”

“Derek I’ll be fine! You aren’t my boyfriend. I have five boyfriends. They’ll take care of me. You can fuck off.”

“I know. I just, I just think…”

“If you’re going to give me some unsolicited opinion after using me for sex…”

“I wasn’t using you for sex! Jesus, Julian.” Derek drops his duffle bag. 

“Okay, D. Then what were you doing? Enlighten me.” Julian sounds like he’s on the verge of tears again.

Derek climbs into bed with him.

“Julian you should see your therapist again.”

“You shouldn’t have fucked me if you were you just going to judge me afterward.”

“Julian, you say his name in your sleep.”

“He was in the fire with me, D! Jesus Christ!”

“I know, but you say his name during sex, too.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Yes, you do.” Julian furrows his brows, taking in this new information. 

“Promise me you’ll think about going to see someone? And for the love of God, talk to Logan.”

“I talked to him. I told him about Haven. And he said, and I quote, have fun.”

“Tell him you still have feelings for him.”

“I don’t have feelings for him.”

“Fuck!” Derek’s frustrated. 

“Don’t yell at me.”

“Julian, you’re a sex addict.”

“Oh, that’s rich coming from you.” Julian laughs haughtily.

“Look, I’m not going to sit here and let you do this to yourself and listen to you lie to me.”

“Then just go.” 

Derek makes his way out the door again, putting his bag back over his shoulder. He shuts Julian's bedroom door and makes his way out of the Haven house. Then he puts his bag down and returns. “I don’t want to leave in a fight.”

Julian shrugs in a way that says, hell if I care.

“Jules, please?” Derek’s voice hitches.

Julian looks away. Then he walks up to his friend and takes a handful of Derek’s shirt. He pulls him in for a chaste kiss on the lips.

“There. Now we won’t leave in a fight.” 

Derek pulls Julian into a hug and kisses him on the forehead goodbye.


	7. Julian & Raven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julian is depressed and Raven takes care of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: disordered eating and depression.

After Derek leaves, Julian misses him more than he thought he would. And before he knows it, depression takes over every bone in his body. He finds it hard to get out of bed. He finds it hard to eat. He finds it hard to take a shower or brush his teeth. The nightmares get worse. He knows he needs to snap himself of this, but there’s also a part of him that just wants to cocoon forever. He shuts his eyes and just lays there, trying to will himself back to sleep even when his body didn’t need another wink. Then he decides to pass the time by jacking off.

Julian ignores Haven’s knocks. At first, they think maybe he is just out but when they start to hear porn playing from inside Julian’s room, at all hours, they catch on something else was going on and all begin to worry for their boyfriend.

It's been 2 days and Julian hasn't left his room.

“J, babe, let me in,” Mikey says.

“I’m busy,” Julian replies, some woman’s moans still coming out of his computer.

“I have a veggie burger for you.”

"I already ate.”

“I know you haven’t just, can you open up? Clark’s going to kill us if we let you get any skinnier when he’s away.”

That’s right, Julian thought. Clark was out on some press tour. Probably for the best because he’d probably want to give Julian a heart to heart or lecture him or like hold him or talk shit about Derek, which all felt unbearable right now.

“Go away, Mikey.”

“Okay, I’m just going to leave it in front of the door.” 

To Mikey’s and the other guys' relief, Julian takes the burger. But then he slams the door and turns up the porn. And sleeps for fourteen hours.

“Julie, baby, it’s noon. Talk to me. What’s wrong?” Corey tries the next day.

“I don’t want to talk.” 

“Okay. Do you, maybe want to have sex with me?” Anything that’d get him out of bed.

“I don’t want to have sex.”

“Okay. Do you want to go on a walk?”

“No. I really don’t.”

“Julie, I’m worried.”

“Don’t worry about me. It’ll pass. It always passes.”

“This happens to you a lot?”

“Sometimes.” 

“Julian, promise if it gets really bad you’ll tell me. I can drive you to the hospital, we don’t have to involve the others.” Corey sounds like he’s trying not to cry. Julian walks up to the door and slides down with his back against it. 

“I’m really fine. I just, I need some space.”

“Do you promise?”

“I promise.”

The next day when Julian still doesn’t come out again, and they’re all arguing about whether to make Clark fly home or to call Travis or Dolce, Corey says they should wait and just let Julian have his space.

“That’s bullshit,” Sinclair says. Then he grabs a bobby pin, gets on his knees, and lockpicks Julian's door.

“Fuck!” Julian, startled in bed, yells. 

“Hairpin trick,” Sinclair explains as he stands up.“You look like shit and you need to take better care of yourself. And you need to eat.” He hands Julian a boiled egg. Julian stares at it warily.

“Do you want me to peel it for you?” 

“I got it.” Julian starts peeling the egg and takes a bite of it as if to say, see? I’m fine.

“Should I ask Clark to come home early?”

“Please don’t do that.”

“Do I need to like, call your parents?”

“God no.”

“I'm at a loss of what to do here Julian. Tell me what to do.”

“I just need sp-”

“Don’t say you need space! Fuck!”

Sinclair reaches out and grabs Julian’s hand.

“Don’t.”

“Don’t hold your hand?”

“Please just, get out of my room. You don't need to do anything”

The fact that this isn’t actually Julian’s room but just a guest room in Clark’s house he has happened to occupy this last month is left unsaid. Julian knows he's just a guest here and that he's one misstep away from fucking this all up.

“Whatever, Larson.”

Five days into Julian’s post-Derek hibernation, Raven is the only one who hasn’t stopped by Julian’s room yet. But he’s the one who gets a text.

J: can you come here and fuck me? I need it

When Raven enters Julian’s room, Julian is already on the floor with his fist up his ass.

“I see you already started,” Raven observes. Then he positions himself under Julian. Raven gently sucks on Julian’s balls. Julian comes quickly. He’s shaking and flushed.

Raven kisses his forehead.

“You’re beautiful after you come.”

“So I’ve been told.”

“Alex-” 

Julian smirks. “Yes, Marcus?” It’s an ongoing thing they’ve got going with each other, using their middle names.

“Are you going to tell me what the fuck is going on with you?”

“Marcus, I brought you in to fuck, not talk.”

“Don’t you want to wait until you can get hard again?”

“No, just do it. And, Raven, punish me.”

Raven frowns. “You know you don’t need to be punished, right? You’re a good guy.”

“Not always,” Julian whispers.

“You’re always good to me,” Raven ruffles up Julian’s hair and kisses his forehead again.

“Reward me for it then? Please,” Julian pouts.

Raven thinks about it. Then he says, “paddle or crop?”

“You know what I like,” Julian grins.

“Okay but after we do this, you have to let me take care of you after.”

“Yeah, whatever, Marcus, we’ll see.”

“Julian, I’m serious.”

“Okay. I’ll let you take care of me. Just, don’t be a pussy while you fuck me.”

Raven crawls under Julian’s bed and slides out a small spanking paddle. 

“Alright, Alex, bend over. And hold very still.” Raven spanks him hard five times. Tears flow from Julian’s eyes from the pain but he tries not to whine. He feels an immediate release of emotion. 

He feels a bit dizzy when Raven put his cock inside him and starts riding him. Raven doesn’t like to talk a lot during sex so all Julian hears is the thumping of Raven’s thrusts. But even that gives out to ringing in his ears. When Raven comes, Julian feels like he’s about to pass out, and a shiver rushes through his entire body.

“You’re okay, I got you,” Raven says, holding his head in his lap.

Julian opens his eyes and gazes up at Raven, his head fuzzy. But he feels a warmth in his chest that makes him feel safe. “Let’s get you in the bath,” Raven says as he helps Julian stand up. Small welts from the paddle are already forming on his ass. Raven thumbs them. “In,” he commands Julian who squats down in the bath. Raven takes off the showerhead and brings it down to massage Julian’s hair with warm water. Then he takes his hands and lathers soap all over, being extra careful about everything tender. It’s the first time Julian has bathed in days.

“You smell nice,” Raven tells him. “How are you feeling?”

Julian leans in and kisses Raven on the lips, their first kiss of the night.

“Will you be good and sit quietly in the bath for me?” 

Julian nods.  Then Raven throws on his boxers and heads out to the kitchen and grabs soup.  He feeds it to Julian in the tub with a spoon. 

“There you go. Good boy.”

Raven asks Corey and Mikey to take all of Julian’s very dirty sheets and clothes scattered around the room and put them in the washing machine. They bring him fresh sheets and make his bed.

Raven then dries Julian off with a towel gently and tucks him in. He lays next to him until Julian drifts to sleep.

When Julian wakes up, Raven, as usual, is back in his own bed.But that warm feeling of feeling safe lingers and all the noise in Julian’s head quieted. Julian walks into the kitchen in just a sweatshirt, spanked ass on display, and makes himself some jam and toast. All the guys try not to say anything to ruin the moment.

“Babe, we’re going to Warner Brothers to sell our souls for that stupid soap commercial today,” Raven tells Julian, handing him a cup of coffee. “You going to be okay on your own?”

“You can come with us,” Corey chirps in.

“As riveting as a soap commercial sounds, I’ll be okay,” Julian tells them.

“You sure? I think Armstrong's new film is going into rehearsals today. We could drop you off,” Mikey adds.

"I'm sure your dad would love to see you, J."

“Thank you, really. That’s sweet. Maybe some other time.”

“Okay,” Sinny says and then kisses Julian on the lips gently. “It’s nice to see you up.”

“Look, I’m sorry for…if I scared you. All of you. I’m going to make an appointment with Dr. Long and, figure some shit out.”

“That’s great Julie.”

“We love you.”

“Love you too,” Julian tells them. 

The guys all get a text from Clark.

Clark: Just landed in LAX. How are my boys?

Corey responds with a picture he snaps of (waist up) Julian, Mikey, Sinny, and Raven in the kitchen. It’s faint, but it’s clear as day. Julian’s lips are curled in a genuine smile.

After Haven leaves for their shoot, Julian pulls out his phone. First, he makes his appointment, his therapist able to fit him in the next day. Then he opens up a group message entitled Stuart Trio, those high school friends. What he types next surprises even himself. 

Julian: you 2 up for a 4th of july trip this weekend in Sonoma like old times?

Logan: hell ya

Derek: I’m down :) 

Julian takes a deep breath.

Julian: great, let's do it.


	8. Julian & Derek & Logan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julian, Derek, and Logan vacation in Sonoma. A night of drunken debauchery leads to morning sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Featuring a stuttering Logan Wright. 
> 
> TW: emetophobia

Friday afternoon, after listening to the Blackwater audiobook during his drive all the way from LA, Julian picks up Derek outside his fraternity house in Palo Alto. 

“Hey,” Julian says. Derek drops his duffle in the trunk of Julian’s Range Rover. Then Julian hands Derek the keys and hops in the passenger seat, reclines his chair, and closes his eyes for a nap. Derek lets his friend sleep.

Derek likes to see Julian look so peaceful beside him. Still, 5 minutes before they arrived at their winery hotel, he wakes him up.

“Jules.”

“Are we there?” 

“Almost. I just want to talk.”

“Want to break up with me again?” Julian quips.

“No, that sucked,” Derek laughs. “I just - how are you?” he asks earnestly. 

“I, uh, took your advice. Been seeing someone. Dr. Long.”

“Oh, that’s great, Jules. That’s great. And about the other thing I said, about Logan, don’t feel pressured this weekend, okay? Let’s just have a good time.”

Julian gives Derek a smirk.

“Not like that. I mean we could, if you really want to, but we probably shouldn’t-”

“Relax, D. Jesus. We don’t have to fuck again it’s fine. I’ll still love you.” 

Derek exhales. 

When they get to the hotel, Logan’s already at the bar sipping wine. He gets up and pulls Derek into a tight hug, kissing his neck sloppily. 

“Fuck we’ve been in wine country less than 5 minutes and you’re already wasted.”

“Hey, Jules.” Logan pulls Julian into a hug as well. “M-missed you.”

Julian’s stomach churns. 

“Fuck you’re skinny. Let’s g-get some food in you.”

“Let’s get some food in you, you’re drunk.”

“I’m not dr-dr-drunk!”

Derek raises an eyebrow.

“You guys just need to c-catch up!”

“Excuse me, miss, can we get a bottle. Let’s do the Silver Oak Cabernet Alexander.” That’s a $900 bottle of wine.

“Of course, Mr. Larson.” 

The waitress pours a little and Julian says, “perfect” before she pours the rest of the three glasses.

“A toast, to this weekend, to Stuart House!”

“To Stuart fucking house!”

“And to A-America”

“To America!”

“Damn, I wish we could get another 4 years of Obama! To think this will be his second to last 4th of July.”

“To Obama!”

“I’ll drink to that.”

“Your dad going to throw his hat in the ring? Senator for pres?”

“Fuck if I know. I h-hope the fuck not.”

“Anyone but Donnie!”

“And I’ll drink to that.”

They get shitfaced pretty fast, stumbling into their suite only to realize woefully there are only two bedrooms.

“I’ll share with Lo,” Derek says, head fuzzy.

“What? No. I don’t w-wanna share! Der snores.” Logan whines.

“I do not!”

“I roomed with you for 3 years at D-d-d-dalton. You fuckin’ snore!” 

“Jesus, Lo, stop yelling.”

“You just don’t want to share with me cuz you don’t want to fuck me anymore-”

“Julian shut the fuck up.” 

“Which doesn’t make sense because I fuck so good, Lo. So good. Everybody, everybody says so. Everybody but you, Lo, you wouldn’t know how good I fuck because you won’t ever fuck me” the words tumble out of Julian.

“Julian would you shut the fuck up!”

“Now who’s y-yelling!”

“He’s very drunk, just, let’s just sleep,” Derek says.

Then it hits Logan what Julian said. “Wait. You and J-Jules?” Logan snaps.

“He fucked Clark, too, Corey watched us,” Julian shares.

Logan throws his hands up in the air and knocks a chandelier above him.

“I’m way too drunk for this,” Derek mutters.

“You told me you weren’t ashamed. You told me, you said you don’t regret it. Not for, not for a minute,” Julian says pacing around the room, emotionally distraught.

“I don’t, okay. Calm down.”

“Fuck I d-didn’t know you were still fucking guys, D.”

“You knew? Were you two, did you two- ah I’m going to be sick.” Julian pukes into the kitchen sink as Derek holds back his hair and rubs his back.

“Jules, are you okay?”

“I’m fine. I’ll be fine. I just-”

“Jules, Lo and I didn’t fuck, okay?”

“When you were back i-i-in Cali, he said he was ex-ex-experimenting and I, I offered him head and he said no. He’s not a-a-attracted to me,” Logan explains. Derek gives him an unreadable look.

“How about you and Lo just share the bed,” Derek says impatiently.

“No!” Julian and Logan both yell for God knows what drunken logic. 

“Okay fine. Jules, I’ll share with you,” Derek tries.

“I don’t want to be th-th-thinking of you fucking.”

“Then, Lo, let me stay with you.”

“No, then you two would fuck!”

“We, w-would not!”

“I'll sleep on the fucking floor then!”

“You said you offered him head!”

“That was, years ago! We w-were teens! You fucked off to C-C-C-California. You left us!”

Julian starts crying, stomping his foot like a little kid, and hiccuping.

“Why are y-you crying?!”

Derek holds Julian, who buries his head into Derek’s chest. Derek’s so over this.

“I’m going to bed, whoever wants to join can join. All that will be happening is sleeping.”

That’s how all three of them end up in one bed, Derek in the middle.

When Julian wakes up, he turns over to see Logan, hard, with his legs fully wrapped around Derek and his face nuzzling his bare chest. Derek’s eyes are open but he hasn’t gotten up yet, not wanting to disturb Logan’s position.

Julian and Derek awkwardly smile good morning at each other. 

“Sorry I outed us last night,” Julian says sleepily.

“S’ok.”

“So, what really happened between you and,” Julian nods his head toward Logan, “senior year?”

Now that they were sober, Derek feels like he owes his friend an explanation. “We got really close after, everything that happened.” He meant Hell Night. “And like he said, I told him that I was interested in guys, you know, sexually. And he offered but I just, I don’t know, didn’t want to ruin the friendship.”

“With him or with me?”

“Both I guess?” Derek whispers. “It was complicated. We shared a bed that whole year to help with the PTSD. We were both pretty fucked up with you were gone.”

Julian winced, a pang of guilt in his stomach. “So you shared a bed all year. And nothing happened?” 

Derek shakes his head, lips in a tight smile.

“But you wanted it to?” 

“It was c-” 

“Complicated. You said.” Then Julian takes a deep breath. “What if I said, it doesn’t have to be complicated anymore?”

“What do you mean?”

Julian’s drops his eyes to Logan’s tented boxers.  “We’re adults. Wake him up. Take care of him, it’s fine.” 

Derek shoots him a look. “Jules, just leave it.”

“I want you to.” 

“Come on, you’re just saying that because you want to watch,” Derek jokes. 

Julians smiles softly and he doesn’t correct him.

Derek strokes his fingers through Logan’s hair, thinking about it.

“You sure you don’t want to blow him instead? You know what, you should ask him, he’d say yes,” Derek whispers.

“You don’t know that.”

“He would.”

“Besides, I want you to,” Julian replies. “You’re a good lover, I want him to know what it’s like.”

“Jules-”

“I said I want you to!” Julian whispers too loud.

Logan wakes up. “Fuck my head hurts. Fuck I drank too much. Fuck.”

“Lo, Derek has a question for you,” Julian says with a smirk on his face.

“Okay,” Logan says suspiciously. “What’s up, D?”

Derek thinks to himself, I can’t believe I’m doing this. But in the moment, it feels right. He thinks about how nice it will feel to be close this way to Logan like he wanted to be all those years ago. And maybe he could bring Logan and Julian together through this, too, somehow. 

“Do you want me to,” Derek starts. “Would it be okay if I gave you a blow job?”

Logan says nothing, taking it in. "Are you still drunk?"

'"No, I just, you're hard."

Then Logan asks, “So like, now?” He glances at Julian who gives him a nod. 

Then Logan nods back. “Yeah, okay.”

Derek pulls Logan’s boxers down and takes his cock in his mouth quickly, Logan staring at Julian watching as it happens, seeing his cock grow in his white briefs at the sight of Logan’s cock in Derek’s mouth.

“Fuck,” Logan says and his toes curl.

It's pretty sloppy but it still only takes a minute. Derek swallows the cum and goes fully hard at the taste.

Logan whispers in Derek’s ear, “take care of him, too.” Derek nods.

“Jules, come here,” Derek says softly..

“You sure? I thought you didn’t want me again.”

“Julian, come here,” Derek orders. Then he straddles him, slipping Julian’s briefs down just enough to press their cocks together and jack them both off. Derek comes first then he shoves his tongue down Julian’s throat as he finishes him off.

Logan interrupts the kiss by pulling Derek away so he can make out with him himself. Derek can feel Logan smiling against him. Derek alternates between Logan and Julian for a good six minutes, then he comes up for air. 

“If the two of you don’t kiss each other, right now, I’m going to fucking lose it,” Derek tells them.

Logan and Julian look at each other. Logan puts a hand on Julian’s chin and pulls him in. The kiss is slow and Derek can see both of their tongues as they lick one another. But for a moment Logan and Julian forget their friend is there. Julian can swear he can feel the serotonin entering his bloodstream. Logan's heart races and he feels his stomach flip, and not from the hangover.

“Happy, Der?” Julian asks after they pull apart and remember him.

Derek smiles. “Very.”

“So,” Logan says finally. “Winery tour starts at 11, you guys down or are we just going to fuck around all day?”

“Tempting as fucking around all day sounds, yeah, I need a glass of wine. Or seven.” 

“I call the shower,” Derek says, kissing them both on the lips softly before getting out of bed.

Once Derek is gone, Logan holds Julian hand.

“You okay?”

“Yeah that was, that was nice. You?”

“Yeah, it was nice for me, too. Jules I-”

“You don’t have to say anything. I already know.”


End file.
